Tainted Love

Smokey on the left.  Pepper on the right.

More than 20 years ago, we adopted our first dog, Pepper, and a year later adopted our second, Smokey. Now I can’t imagine life without dogs. Smokey is currently the love of my life. Yes, I’ve loved humans too; but, dog love is somehow pure. Human love is always tainted. The old saying is true: “One day, I hope to be the human my dog thinks I am.”

Pepper died on our anniversary a few years ago. We changed our anniversary date to the first day of spring. She was more than sixteen years old which is pretty good considering she was born with a heart defect. She had a heart attack due to a complication from pancreatitis. She survived a month after that; but, pulmonary hypertension finally overwhelmed her. It was so hard to let her go. It was the right thing to do.

Smokey is now over twenty. That’s pretty old for a dog. He’s blind due to complications of glaucoma resulting from cataract surgery. He’s got dementia. He needs me 24/7. I need him 24/7. I know that I won’t have him much longer. He’s been my faithful companion for a long time. It’s been such a privilege to be his human.

I’ve been looking at options for future adoptions. We would never do anything except adopt. I really feel like I’m cheating on Smokey. I do still have him. I wouldn’t get another dog until he crosses the rainbow bridge; but, I feel it’s coming soon. I’ll be taking a break when that day comes. I’ve spent all of my emotional energy on his care. I hardly leave his side.

Most of my life is simply cuddling with him on the couch. I talk to him. He grumbles back. My love is tainted compared to Smokey’s love. I see beyond the moment. I wish I could be like Smokey and enjoy life moment by moment. Be like Smokey. My new life goal.

Gloria Jones -- Tainted Love
Tainted Love